I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I accidentally had phone sex last night
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
