hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
