My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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