My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
