i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Randomize
