I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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