D3 body, D1 cock
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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