walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
