I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
