I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
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