hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
