??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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