you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
