sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
