i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
