you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I just want nice things and good sex
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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