I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
