Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
