I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
