I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
