Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Oh god it's open bar.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
