and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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