The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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