at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Please don't give away my fajitas
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
