last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
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