The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Randomize
