i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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