I don't think brook has ever known best
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
