I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
