I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Randomize
