Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
