So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Randomize
