Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Come see our sink grown plant.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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