He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
