I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Randomize
