Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
