i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
