Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
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