Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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