I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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