dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
