He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
