Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
