remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Randomize
