What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
