just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
