Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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