best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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