After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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