When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
