He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I think I sprained my soul last night
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
